Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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