You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
