Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
