I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize