Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
