Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
