I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
