ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
