YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
