He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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