the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
