I heard we made out
Jerry, you need to find god
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
