Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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