Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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