You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
