ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am one with the molecules
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
