if you like me you must not know who I am
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
