if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Congratulations! We have a period
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
