Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
