Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
