Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
