Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
