I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
