In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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