you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i need some magic done to my vagina
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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