Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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