im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
