Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize