Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
