Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
