Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
