I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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