Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
