words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
