I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
