let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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