It's Friday. Sex?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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