i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
