Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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