ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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