Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
