Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
