Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
