imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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