I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
