if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
