What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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