im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
