well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
