The maid of honor just puked.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
