only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
