He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
