Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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