First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We're too hungover to prance.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
