Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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