you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
