I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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