She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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