one might say we're banned from that church
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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