You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
