i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
