If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
