Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
