i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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