the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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