is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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