i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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