y did u give ur computer a hand job?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
