the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize